I told my dad tht I had been depressed for the past couple of days- he’s reponse was tht he noticed tht I was quiet and then changed th subject. It’s so funny how I was ready to throw myself in front of a train yesterday. So funny.

I was trying to b more positive this year…….. but I’m just sitting wishing to disappear.

I ve hit a pretty dark place this week. It’s depressing when you are sitting with a group of friends to only question if they are actually your friends. The fact that they leave you out and put it right in your face that your not invited. But the second you look sad they all run to like they care. 

The doctor gave me bad news 

My mom treats me like an old play thing- only mildly interested

I am searching for a way to be happy this year…..

You ever feel yourself spiraling into depression? Like actually truely feel it. Every event- small little moments- friends cancellig or a build up of thoughts. I know I’m not up to the point of suicide but I’m in a hole of sadness I can’t climb my way out- I can’t be the only one.I’ve come to know I will always be the “last resort” friend even after high school I can’t shake it. I’ve come to know that tumblr probably makes sure you get one like. I’ve come to know that using tumblr keeps me from shoving back down feelings- I’m using a blog to talk rather than out loud because it hasn’t become “a problem”

As I watch the year come to the end, I realized this might have one of the most crappest years of my life- people may say that I’m too young to say that but when I look back:

1. My friend killed himself with no indication at all of why

2. My whole college plans when up in smoke for the sake of money

3. Donald Trump might actually the most incoherent President

4. While I broke up with an physically abusive bf a year ago, I finally realized what he did to me was wrong (and at times I find myself trying to defend him) 

I believe its sad that I can’t think of positive moments in my life this year and I’m hoping 2018 will be able to help.

So apparently there are rumors on Cardi B having a sex tape and her fans have begun to rally around her. But what I think is why do people try to embarrass people with a sex tape? People want to say they are basically making porn and that’s bad but people watch porn all the time. Why do we shame people who do it? Why don’t we shame people who watch it- they watching makes porn profitable? If Cardi wants to record herself doing it, that’s fine- her life she can do whatever- people have sex ALL THE TIME (this time it’s just recorded). Whoever is releasing it is the real sicko and jackass who does’t know the idea of privacy. 

What pisses me off is that all of Hollywood knew about the powerful rich men that weren’t able to keep their dicks in their pants. MATT DAMON ADMITS TO KNOWING IT BUT NO ONE TURNS ON HIM. WHERES THE OUTCRY AGAINST THAT? EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING THEY KNEW ABOUT IT SO WHY DIDN’T ANYONE SAY ANYTHING? I understand people were victims and scared but then the ones who just wanted to keep their paycheck? You allowed this to happen and continue.